When I was high school, my bedroom wall was not just covered, but cluttered with posters. Along with the obligatory teenage heartthrob-du-jour, most featured inspirational messages and images alternately cute or scenic (waterfalls, sunsets, a kitten hanging by its claws from a branch with the saying “Hang in There!”) . You get the picture.
One of my favorites was a poster with the motto “Do not regret the things you have done, only the things you have never tried.” Sage advice it seemed. And at 15, I bought it.
But these days I think anyone who believes in "no regrets" must be either very young (not yet having much to regret), very naïve or just not very self-aware.
I’m not saying you should dwell on your regrets so that they become an obstacle to moving forward with your life. But for Heaven’s sake, regrets help us learn. Teach us not to make the same mistakes again and again.
If you regret how you messed up one relationship or job or whatever, perhaps, you'll understand how to avoid damaging another. If you regret the missed opportunity, just maybe you'll learn to recognize a good thing when you see it.
I’m all for believing that things happen for a reason and that where one door closes, another better door usually opens.
But sometimes, you really do wish that something hadn’t happened pure and simple. Recognize it as regret. Find the lesson. Move on.
Even the "Chairman of the Board" admitted “Regrets, I’ve had a few,” (whether of commission or omission he doesn’t reveal) before pointing out that at least he did it his way.
And so should we all.
Just own up to the regrets, and learn from them.
Which brings me to resolutions, which I think of as anti-regrets. Or at least one way you can help turn those regrets into positive meaningful life-changing actions.
While the customary time to make resolutions is the beginning of the new year, I'm just getting around to considering mine now. And since every moment of every day is an opportunity for a new beginning, I see no need to tie my resolutions to the new year or my birthday or some arbitrary "Day One."
So starting today, right this very minute, I resolve to do work that I care about...to get my financial house in order...to create a more tranquil and restorative living environment for myself.
I resolve to brush up on my French and learn Italian. To work as hard as I must to live my dreams. To travel the globe as long as I live, and never stop discovering the magic this world has to offer.
English novelist George Eliot wrote "It's never too late to be what you might have been."
It's true, you know. I've been living it. It is what inspires me every day. Knowing that at what some might consider to be the middle of my life, I'm just beginning to hit my stride. To look forward to what comes next. To imagine great things for myself and believe I can achieve them.So yes, I've had a few regrets, and over a cup of Earl Grey tea or a pint of Bass, I might be persuaded to share some with you. But resolutions trump regrets. And living the life you once only dreamed you'd be living. Well that just beats all.
N.B. photos on this page were taken in Vienna, Austria in December 2006.
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